The radio program was already in progress by the time I scrolled to it. Typical NPR/Canadian programs are so darned intriguing, I was hooked a few moments in. The narrator, a woman, was relaying her story about losing faith, and trying to get it back again. She said, and this is paraphrased and shortened: "When I was a girl, I said a prayer to God and immediately received a sign that it was heard. It was a miracle to me, and I accepted it as proof that God existed. I grew up, and began to seriously question my judgement on this. There didn't seem to be proof after all, and in fact much that I learned seemed counterintuitive to there being a divine being. I slowly lost faith. After a hard time, I wanted to have that simple faith back, the same belief in a higher power that I had when I was young. I prayed to God to give me a sign that He was there. At the same moment, there was a huge flash in the sky-- a larger-than-life shooting star, low in the horizon, flashed by. But it was not as easy or as clear as when I was young. Was it coincidence? Was I trying to see signs of something bigger in what was just a chance occurence?"
The girl had an opportunity to renew her faith, but was unable to make that choice.
My friend, Dave Baldwin, shared in his blog the reason he came to believe in God. And it's a pleasant little journey. It inspired me to consider sharing my own reason for faith, because it does seem so illogical when you aren't willing to allow it to blossom. Here is Dave's article: How and Why I Came to Believe in Godwww.dave-baldwin.comwriter. innovator. thought leader.
Unlike my friend Dave, my period of agnosticism never fully included the possibility that this earth was all there is. I left the Catholic church and studied Wicca. The bright, earthly light of pagan-based magic. I cast spells, and had some degree of success with them. I studied what was termed "new age" and like many others, sought information from the old age-- herbs, healing, spirits, etc. I moved through Wicca, and found that while there was much good that could be done, it was not enough. One early morning, or perhaps late at night, after carousing with my friends through the haunted woods of my college, we rested on a hill and looked up at the stars. I said a prayer to God that I would continue to learn more, that my life would lead me to deeper understanding of the spirits, of God, of the angels, of the world. Immediately-- and just like the woman who told her story to NPR, an unbelievably huge shooting star--- low in the horizon and magnified out of proportion by its angle and its location in the sky-- like the moon when it rises low on the horizon-- white brilliant shining light cascading fully across the horizon and its comet shaped tail behind it. It was wonderful. Magical. I asked my friends if they saw it, and none of them had. It was a message, and an answer to me.
I could have, like NPR woman, questioned the timing of it. I didn't. This... this is where faith steps in. Faith is a choice. It is not an accident, it is not something you come by casually and go "oh yeah, I'm full of faith." Faith-- will be tested. It will be challenged by people who have none, it will be challenged by what appears to be reality and science. Faith is all about choice, and allowing yourself to trust in something that is bigger, higher and smarter than you.
Could it have been coincidence? Sure, why not. Except you know what? God is bigger than that. God can orchestrate coincidence so that it serves as a form of communication.
I have had answers to my prayers throughout my life. When I asked for a brother, He supplied. When I asked for an apartment in NYC, one showed up in a fairly unorthodox manner. When I asked for a roommate, there one was. For help. For love. For assurance. For dinner. For undeniable motivation. For an opportunity. For peace. For truth. For .. for goodness sake, for a free treadmill in my apartment. All I have ever had to do is ask, and it has always been answered. I may not always like the answer. I may not always WANT an answer. But there is one. So-- I choose faith. I struggle less and less with the question of why I should believe, and more with "how can I deepen my faith?" and "if I resent the answer I'm getting-- if I fight and dislike it, am I also then demonstrating a lack of faith?" which brings me back to "how can I deepen my faith?"
If one chooses -- like the woman above-- to believe that a Godly experience is just coincidence, it's ok. Lots of folks call that atheism. I find that most atheists are actually agnostic-- folks who haven't looked too deeply, or read much biblical literature, or who haven't tried prayer, and who don't want to question too much. It's ok. Here's where I loved Harold Camping's response-- although he couldn't pick an "end of the world" date to save his life, he did speak some truth-- and he would say "God is so good, that you can choose not to believe in him and still have a wonderful, beautiful life-- with family, children, work, and wonderful experiences."
On the other hand, if one chooses faith, it's a much harder road. There is so much that will try to convince you otherwise. Plus, it is really hard to talk about. I admire Dave's blog-- it's very bold to stand up and proclaim "I believe" when so many are there to pester with "But why????".
For the record, I also believe we can use science to understand our world, to deepen our comprehension and understanding of how it all works. There is no need for us to pit science against faith-- they actually work hand in hand. Just remember, God is bigger than all of that. If it looks like a contradiction, it may be because we have a limited perspective. I, like my friend Dave, am not one to preach or try to convince anybody else to believe if they aren't willing to go there. Belief has to come from within, or not at all. I simply wanted to stand up with him and say yes, me too. And this is my "why."
I welcome discussion. What have your experiences been? Why do you believe... or not?
